19 Years and 35 Minutes
by CrazyNinjaChild
Summary: What I think the aftermath of the Deathly Hallows should have been. Train blows up, people die, wizards are on fire, and Harry gets laid. BTW this is supposed to be a crack..


**(Authors Notes: This is my first fic sort of thing, so don't judge me too harshly :) Critisism is always welcome :D)**

Disclaimer: I don't own this shit, I just write about it...The scar had not pained Harry for 19 years, all was well.  
CRASH! BOOM! BANG!  
Everyone turned and saw that the Hogwarts Express had exploded, everyone inside. A few flaming wizards came flying out of the train and died shortly after.  
"Bloody Hell!" Ron screamed as he fell to his knees.  
"Nooo!" Hermione roared, tears streaming her face.  
"Holy fuck?! What the Hell just happened?!" Ginny screamed, "Raaaawr!" She pointed her wand at her face and pressed it between her eyes. "Avada Kedavra!" And in a flash of green light Ginny dropped dead beside Harry.  
Harry stood staring blankly, eyes glazed over, at the ruins of the Hogwarts Express. Hermione and Ron were on the ground not too far away, holding each other and sobbing.  
Draco Malfoy stood in the distance glaring at the catastrophe, "Well that's one less child I have to worry about..." He started to wander around the station.  
A man on fire ran right in front of Harry, but he did not seem to notice because he was too busy thinking, "Dammit I'm so sexy, everyone wants to do me... Hell, I'd do me... I'd tap me..."  
"Harry!" Run said as he was running over, "Are you- Are you alright mate?" He said, choking on almost every word.  
"I'm so fucking sexy..." Harry murmered.  
"Wah? Harry! Your children just burned alive in that train! And everyone around you is slowly dying, Harry!...Harry?"  
"Sooo goddamn delicious, I just wanna eat me up... Oh, Ron... How you doin mate? Were you saying something?" Said Harry, still in a half dreamy state.  
"What the bloody FUCK is your deal Harry?! Will you just snap out of-"  
"Oh Ron would you stop being such a bloody fucking nuisance?! I'm trying to admire myself here! I wish you would just shut up!!" Harry screamed in Ron's face. He took his wand out, "CRUTIO!!" The spell hit Ron, sending him flying. The spell was so powerful that Ron was only writhing in pain for mere seconds before dying.  
"Merlins Pants!!! Waaaaah?!" Hermione started running towards the flames, "I can't take all these deaths! This is too much!!" She continued running. "I cheated on my OWL's!! I'm such a sack of shit, I deserve to die!" She leapt unto the fire, and onto a sharp pole sticking out of the ground.  
Malfoy was standing 10 paces from Harry, laughing menacingly. He sauntered over to Harry and ran his finger seductively down Harry's chest and leaned in to kiss Harry, his hand running over further down Harry's front. It was then that Harry realised that he had never seen someone as attractive as himself until he saw Malfoy all those years ago in Diagon Alley, he wanted to confess his love for Malfoy. As Malfoy's hand entered Harry's pants, Harry screamed.  
"I LOVE YOU!!" Harry pounced Malfoy and ripped off their clothes. And with this, they engaged in wild, vicious buttfuck.  
Malfoy was on top now, and he was about to climax, and as he did he accidently screamed out, "Avada Kedavra!!" And with his wand still in his hand, the green light came out of the tip of his wand and hit Harry in the back of the head. And now Malfoy had done what Voldemort could never do, he had killed Harry Potter. He shoved Harry's corpse out of the way and pulled up his pants. "No, no no no no! This- This isn't happening!! It can't be happening!" He screamed out, kicking Harry's corpse twice as to double check whether he was dead or not and surly he was indeed dead.  
Everyone at this point was dead or dying in the station except for Malfoy, and the only love he had ever had was dead at his feet. He let out a bloodcurdling scream that rattled the entire station. But his screams were soon drowned out by another explosion coming from the train, Malfoy looked over to see a long, pointy metal pole coming straight for him. He opened his arms, "This is it... this is where it ends..." His arms opened wide now he embraced the metal pole as it struck him in the neck and came through the other side, pinning him to the wall directly behind him, blood spraying everywhere. He soon slid off the long metal shaft and plopped down onto Harry's corpse and was once again, united with his lover.  
20 MINUTES LATER  
Everyone in the station was dead, Ginny, Ron, and Harry had died from one of the curses. While Hermione, Malfoy and every other being in the station had died somewhat natural deaths, with all their children dead on the express from the explosion.  
3 Dementors had escaped the Ministry and came to the scene. The first went to the left searching for and survivors, and the second to the right on the same mission. The third one however spotted the corpse of Harry Potter naked on the ground with Malfoy on top of him. The dementor drifted over to the corpses and picked up Malfoy's corpse, and feeling sad for him he threw him into the fire where maybe he could rest better. It then proceeded to hover over Harry's corpse. The dementor produced a devilish grin and started moving up and down as if teabagging the corpse. After a minute or so, the Dementor got off of the corpse with great satisfaction, and resumed the search.  
The first Dementor had found a small child, a girl, in the corner hiding behind some rubble. This was Harry Potter's last child, Lily Potter. She trembled in fear and begged them not to harm her, but no dementor could resist a snack such as this. They approached Lily simultaneously and gave her a "kiss", leaving her body limp on the floor of Platform 9 3/4.

* * *

FIN!!! CrazyNinjaChild


End file.
